My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
