i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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