I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
