Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
zippers are such a cool invention
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
