hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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