so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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