I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You were trust falling into bushes
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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