He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
