i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
