oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
