I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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