So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
