i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
