I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
