I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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