I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
