hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
