It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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