woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
