I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
