Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
