I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
