Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
