totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
