His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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