That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
