hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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