Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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