I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
