Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
