Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
