You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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