i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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