im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
