so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
YAS. BRING CRAB.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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