Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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