I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
