I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
