i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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