U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
