In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I need a burrito and a hug.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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