we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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