haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
