This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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