Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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