You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
