this just has baby written all over it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
