Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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