Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
