Already got asked if we're dating
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
