i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
