i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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