Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
