I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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