speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
