Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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