do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
